1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize