He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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