the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
