Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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