The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
