Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
