i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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