im about as happy as oj after his trial
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
