Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
