the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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