Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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