At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said her name was "party"
Your dad touched me again.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
