she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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