never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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