Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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