walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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