Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
