grandma shit on top of the toilet
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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