Are we in a gay sports bar?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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