The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
