Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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