Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
