If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
