Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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