is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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