Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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