Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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