I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
