marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
