I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I would fuck him just for his dog
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
