grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
