So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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