She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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