i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
