you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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