Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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