dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
