Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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