I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
