is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
