kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
time to smoke my breakfast
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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