You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
