I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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