So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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