I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
