This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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