man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
