omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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