2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
