The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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