So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
