I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize