It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
