Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Randomize
