I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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