Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
