Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
