It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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