i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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