I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize