Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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