I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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