the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize