tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
