Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Soap is not a condiment
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
