I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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