I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
