Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
