I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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