Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
