Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
