what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
