Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
dude. I can hear the air.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
