I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
