yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
