Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize