Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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