i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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