I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
