Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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