I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
