I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
