youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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