Swine flu. Run for my life!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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