I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Someone signed my nipple.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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