marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
