so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
