God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
