All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
